Text adapted from Wikihow. Photo by Gerry Thomasen via Flickr.
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Flor Cordoba My four-year-old son, Ricardo, is “on the Lego trip.” Maybe it’s his age or the fact that he’s artistic and loves building things, but not a single day goes by that I don’t find him building something with his Lego. Sometimes I sit with him and build too. I am quite impressed with his cars, spaceships, and whatnot, so I put up with the fact that I have to go hunting around the house for tiny missing pieces almost every day. One day he came running to show me a new spaceship he had built, and accidentally bumped it against a doorway. The hapless little spaceship was thrown into what seemed a thousand pieces that went everywhere—across the floor and under the table, chairs, couches, and every other hard-to-get-at place in the room. Ricardo’s face registered total dismay. I tried to comfort him. “It’s okay. Now you can build another one and I’m sure it will be even better. Don’t get discouraged. Just pick up the pieces and build a new one.” But poor Ricardo was so downcast that he said he wasn’t going to try again. He slowly picked up the pieces and went to put them away. A few minutes later, he came bounding back with a brand-new spaceship. “You were right, Mom,” he said. “This is way better than the last one!” I was so proud of my little boy, and it taught me a lesson. How many times have I worked to build a dream, only to have it fall to pieces! Picking up the pieces and starting over is often even harder than getting started the first time, but with the faith of a little child, all things—even better things—are possible. Article courtesy of Motivated magazine. Used with permission. Photo by Mark Anderson via Flickr.
A six-year-old came home from school one day with a note from his teacher in which it was suggested that he be taken out of school as he was “too stupid to learn”. His name: Thomas Alva Edison. *** If you have a boy who just can’t learn in your class, don’t despair. He may be a late bloomer. It has now come out that Dr. Wernher von Braun, the missile and satellite expert, flunked math and physics in his early teens. *** A boy who was so slow to learn to talk that his parents thought him abnormal & his teachers called him a “misfit”. His classmates avoided him and seldom invited him to play with them. He failed his first college entrance exam at a college in Zurich, Switzerland. A year later he tried again. In time he became world famous as a scientist. His name: Albert Einstein. *** A young English boy was called “Carrot Top” by other students & given “little chance of success” by some teachers. He ranked third lowest in class: grade averages for English was 95%, history 85%, mathematics 50%, Latin 30%. His teacher’s report reads: “The boy is certainly no scholar and has repeated his grade twice. He has also a stubborn streak and is sometimes rebellious in nature. He seems to have little or no understanding of his school work, except in a most mechanical way. At times, he seems almost perverse in his ability to learn. He has not made the most of his opportunities.” Later, the lad settled down to serious study and soon the world began to hear about Winston Churchill. Compilation courtesy of TFI. Photo by Sasvasta Chatterjee via Flickr.
The Parents Zone, Web Reprint, adapted Generation means all human beings born and living around the same time; also known as coevals. When there is a significant gap of time between two coevals, it is defined as “generation gap.” When we compare two generations and when there is a considerable difference in the lifestyles, habits, likes, and dislikes of the people belonging to these two separate times, problems due to age gap arise. It is no secret that this gap is widening rapidly. More and more parents and their offspring agree that they just can’t understand each other. This lack of understanding of social, moral, political, musical, or religious opinions leads to lack of acceptance, which is one of the primary reasons why families break. Here are a few tips for parents to help bridge this ever-widening gap: 1. Communicate constantly. It is simply a fact that communication plays an important role in bridging gaps between not only parents and children, but also in every relationship that we can think of. When we communicate respectfully with our children, we are letting them know that we are willing to do all it takes to lessen the age gap and understand things from their point of view. 2. Be open minded. Open mindedness means widening our horizons. When we widen our horizons and we open the doors and windows of our heart, we look at things with a new perspective. This helps us understand why what is being said is actually said. This is very important if we want to understand our children’s priorities and habits. 3. Learn to accept. Trying to understand our children’s world is no mean task. It takes a lot of effort to understand the younger generation. We have to accept first that we lived in a different world. For us, that was an ideal world, with less corruption, hypocrisy, cheating, and every bad thing we see so much increased now. Then, we will have to accept today’s times too, especially the fact that not everything is that bad, and make the effort to understand and accept our children’s perspectives and priorities. That is a big step towards bridging the generation gap. 4. Listen and understand. We as parents sometimes tend to talk too idealistic. We will have to stop that, and we will have to learn to listen, and then to understand. Giving lectures is not at all a good idea. 5. Silence is golden sometimes. Yes, sometimes we have to learn to be silent too. We have to let our children voice their opinions and listen to what they are saying, without interrupting them. In conclusion, the reality of a generation gap is only in terms of age. If we set our egos aside and look at things from an entirely different perspective, we can minimize the gap between our children and us. This does not mean we should not do what we need to do as parents. It just means we become a little more understanding and accepting of what our children see as “their world.” Courtesy of Motivated magazine. Used with permission.
Linda and Richard Eyre, Teaching Children Joy Adults often bristle when someone remarks that they are “just like so-and-so.” We like to think of ourselves as unique, different, and one-of-a-kind, which is how it is meant to be. It is good to remember that there is much more to what makes a person a unique individual than, for example, the obvious characteristics of a person’s astrological sign, their interests, the number of children they have, or the type of clothes that they wear. In a similar fashion, parents should learn to appreciate the uniqueness that each child brings to their lives. Each child needs to feel special and important in his or her own right. Seeing each child as an individual with varying likes and dislikes, will help to make the child feel loved for who he is and is meant to be. Here are some tips on how we can encourage our children’s unique qualities and characteristics:
Ponder: Take time to reflect on each of your children’s qualities and strengths. Make a list of these qualities and focus on encouraging and praising your children for them. Text courtesy of Motivated magazine. Used with permission. Photo by Patrick via Flickr.
Perseverance pays Young people can drive you up the wall at times! But keep trying to reach them and relate to them. Try to get on their level and be one with them. If you can develop a link, a connection, then you can start getting through to them and making some real progress. Frustration is the price you have to pay when you work with young people. That’s just the way it sometimes is; that’s just a fact of life. Your knowledge and experience comes from years of ups and downs, successes and failures, and quite a few trying situations, whereas these teens are just starting out. Keeping that in mind will help you to have patience. Also, try not to compare this group with other teens you have worked with; some kids are slow at wanting to grow up, others are quicker. You can’t let yourself get overly frustrated about these things. Let them break the mold As young people grow up, they generally need more freedom to make their own choices without someone trying to fit them into a certain mold. Some people just don’t and won’t fit into the mold you try to put them into! You’ve got your mold, you’ve got your idea about how they should be or act, but you can’t expect even your children to be that way, to be just like you and totally conform to your ideals. You may need to start changing your perspective. You may need to change the way you look at these young people, and start looking for things that you admire about them—for how well they do in spite of the pressures and difficulties they face. Be willing to get your hands dirty Don’t give up! Just get in there and don’t worry about getting your hands dirty. It is a bit like gardening—you can’t really be a gardener unless you are willing to get your hands dirty. Plants aren’t going to thrive or grow if all the gardener is willing to do is just watch them and water them. Sometimes plants need re-potting because their roots are getting too long and numerous for the pot they’re in, or the soil they are in needs to be changed because it has lost its nutrients or is getting moldy. So it is with growing young people—they may need some personal attention from someone who isn’t afraid to get right in there and help them find solutions to their problems. Sometimes they get tangled up and just can’t help themselves, and they need the help of the gardener. Watch out for them like the gardener watches out for the warning signs—leaves turning yellow or getting spotted or drying up, soil getting moldy or plants drooping from insufficient water. There are shade plants, and there are sun plants; there are plants that need a lot of water, and there are others that hardly need any. There are plants that need much care and have to be misted daily. Then there are cacti that hardly need any care. Your part is to just be a faithful, loving, caring gardener—to keep your eye on those plants and do what you can to help tend and care for them. The gardener learns what he can do, and does what he can to help the plants. And like any gardener, you can only give it your best, then you must leave the rest up to God. Excerpted from “Parenteening”, by Derek and Michelle Brookes. © Aurora Productions. Photo by Kristin via Flickr.
By Beverly K. Bachel, adapted Most of us think about what we want to accomplish and set goals for our lives. But are our kids doing the same? It’s fun for kids to imagine the amazing things they might achieve someday—but are they doing anything right now to make their dreams come true? There’s no better time than the present to help our kids become real goal-getters. Anyone can learn to set goals, and research shows that kids who set goals feel better about themselves; have increased motivation; get better grades; and are more satisfied with their lives. Here are 10 tips to help kids get on the goal-setting track and into the fast lane to reaching their dreams: 1. Make them SMART. Make sure kids’ goals are:
Not-so-SMART Goal: “Get an A+ in math.” SMART Goal: “Boost my math grade by at least one letter by the end of the semester.” Not-so-SMART Goal: “Get a new bike.” SMART Goal: “Save up for a new bike by the end of the year.” 2. Write them down. Have kids write their goals and the date by which they want to achieve them on a piece of paper. Have them post it on their wall, on the computer, on the refrigerator, or somewhere else where they’ll see it often. 3. Think positively. Attitude is everything when it comes to kids’ future success. Help them make a list of their good qualities, remember compliments, and appreciate what they have. Also remember that if kids see a good example of a can-do attitude, they’ll be more likely to think positively. 4. Find time. Help kids cut down on time wasters, like watching TV, surfing the Internet, or talking on the phone, so they can free up time to focus on their goal. 5. Take 10. Set a kitchen timer or stopwatch for 10 minutes and encourage kids to use that time to work on their goals. They may find themselves motivated to keep working on their goal even after the 10 minutes are up. 6. Give a reward. When kids take a step toward their goal, reward them with a movie, their favorite meal, a weekend off from their chores, or another affordable incentive that will keep them motivated. 7. Visualize success. Minds produce what they dwell on. If kids see themselves reaching their goals with ease, they’ll be far more likely to succeed. Ask questions at dinner or while driving them to school to get them talking about their goals. 8. Set “anti-deadlines.” These are the opposite of rewards. Have kids tell themselves, “If I don’t do it by 5 p.m. I can’t go out with my friends tonight.” 9. Ask for help. Let kids know they don’t have to do it alone and that people in their lives (family, friends, teachers, coaches) will want to help in whatever ways they can. Offer to introduce them to a role model or take them on a field trip to learn more about a career they’re interested in. 10. Be a role model. If we talk to kids about our goals and the steps we take to accomplish them, and they see us following through on our commitments, they’ll be more likely to do the same. Article courtesy of Motivated magazine. Used with permission.
As a parent, temper tantrums are one of the most stressful and frustrating things you'll have to deal with, especially once your child hits the terrible twos. However, according to child psychologists, most children don't throw a tantrum just to be naughty or manipulative -- rather, the screaming is a symptom of the child's anger and frustration when they don't have the vocabulary to explain what's really wrong with them. Therefore, staying calm and learning to identify what's really bothering your child will help you to handle the situation quickly and effectively. Start with Step 1 below for more detailed information on handling your child's temper tantrum. Steps
Courtesy of Wikihow. Photo by Mindaugas Danys via Flickr.
Teasing, some fighting and falling out is a normal part of school-age relationships, but a bully-victim relationship is different. Bullies and bullied are both victims. A bully may:
A victim of bullying may:
If you think your child may be a bully
If you think your child may be a victim of bullying
What forms does bullying take?
Most bullying takes place in or near schools. If the bullying is serious, you may need to report it to the school. Most schools have a bullying policy and should take clear steps to do something about your complaint. If you’re not satisfied, go to the school governors or to your local education authority. If the bullying is very serious, some parents opt to move their child to a different school for a fresh start, or decide to educate at home. Even children in this younger age group may use text messages or the web—so be aware if your child has a mobile phone or uses the internet, that these forms of communication can extend bullying into the home or non-school time. Originally published on http://www.bbc.co.uk/parenting/your_kids/primary_bullying.shtml
Good character consists of knowing the good, desiring the good, and doing the good—habits of the mind, habits of the heart, and habits of action. All three are necessary for leading a moral life; all three make up moral maturity. When we think about the kind of character we want for our children, it's clear that we want them to be able to judge what is right, care deeply about what is right, and then do what they believe to be right—even in the face of pressure from without and temptation from within.--Thomas Lickona * Since our children grow up to be their own persons, free to choose their own path, we can't be sure what long-range impact our moral teaching will have. But when we begin early to teach the values we cherish, and when we do so over many years, our potential influence, I believe, is very great indeed. Even if our children don't fully understand what we tell them when we tell them, our words may have lasting value nonetheless. They may echo in our children's minds in years to come. And as they look back through the lens of a more mature stage of development, our words may take on new and deeper meaning. As a parent, I find hope and comfort in that possibility. So talk to your children about what you believe.--Thomas Lickona * Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.--Proverbs 22:6 * If you continue to hold your child accountable over a period of time, the habit he is trying to develop will become ingrained in him. He will no longer need to be reminded, but he will carry out the habit naturally without much thought. There are a lot of habits I would like to see my children develop, like making their beds when first rising in the morning, saying please and thank you, drinking lots of water throughout the day. Those habits don't really have any impact on their relationship with the Lord, but they do make a difference. I also want them to develop habits that please the Lord. I challenge you to examine your children. … Discover what lifelong habits you want your children to have and cultivate them. They won't develop a good habit by being nagged into it, but by constant encouragement. … If we give our children nothing else in life but a love for the Lord Jesus Christ and strong character, we will have succeeded as parents. Character will get him a job. Character will get him up in the morning when he would rather not get up. Character will hold his marriage together someday. If we as parents build strong, godly character traits into our children, they will have the potential to bring about powerful change in our country in the future.--Terri Camp * These words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.--Deuteronomy 6:6–7 * Before we had children of our own, my husband and I found ourselves teaching a class in a Learning Center with another couple. For two and a half hours each Sunday, we were responsible for about 50 energetic six-, seven-, and eight-year-olds while their parents attended the church service and fellowship hour. At the beginning of each week, we met for dinner with the other couple to plan our lessons and design complementary activities. These sessions sometimes lasted more than three hours, since we had to formulate goals and objectives, prepare teaching agendas, and create evaluation techniques. Several years of mothering transpired before I realized that my life revealed a huge dichotomy. When I had been in charge of training someone else's children, I spared no amount of time or effort. However, I put very little planning or preparation time into the teaching and transforming of my own kids. Without realizing it, I had developed the attitude, “If I can just hang in there long enough, my job will eventually be over—by default if nothing else!” … “Somehow,” I reasoned, “they'll inevitably make it to adulthood. Someway they'll mature and make a contribution to society. Someday I will have completed my task.” But when I took the time to notice, I realized that the “somehow, someway, someday” attitude I had maintained was not working in our society. … Too many children are wandering around (or sitting around kicking the bark off stumps with their heels like mine did) without a clue as to where they are headed in life, because mothers like me have never pointed them in any direction. We can't just hang in there, hoping that somehow, someway, someday our kids will succeed. We need to start taking our child-raising assignment more seriously—making it our top priority. In order to do this, we need to take time to set character goals for our children. [Ask yourself:] * What five characteristics do I want to distinguish my child's life by the time he leaves home? * How am I going to steer my child toward one of these goals today?--Gwendolyn Mitchell Diaz * Take [your children] by the hand and lead them in the way of the Master.--Ephesians 6:4 * Discipline means training your children—training them to lead a disciplined life, and eventually to discipline themselves. If discipline is something that you only do “to” children, the end result could very well be that as soon as they get out from under your control, they go wild. But if you discipline them in the sense that you teach them and train them to lead disciplined lives, then the end result is that eventually they're able to discipline themselves for the most part.--Maria Fontaine Compilation courtesy of Anchor. Photo (adapted) from Wikimedia Commons
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