Parents magazine
Imagine this: Every morning, your child makes his bed and puts away his pajamas. Before dinner, he sets the table and feeds the dog. And on Sundays, he helps wash the car. Although having your child willingly help out around the house may seem like wishful thinking, five and six-year-olds can—and should—do regular chores. Assuming more responsibility at home is as crucial for children as learning to read, being physically active, and making friends. “Children this age are better able to concentrate on a specific activity than they were at 3 or 4,” says Virginia Stowe, director of New York City’s Parenting Resource Center, Inc. They’re more adept with their hands and less likely to be discouraged by small setbacks, such as a tangled vacuum-cleaner cord. In addition, they have a sincere desire to please you and are proud of their accomplishments, such as dusting a tabletop or pouring milk without spilling it. “In nineteen years of teaching, I can’t remember a child who didn’t wave his hand to be picked as snack helper or door holder,” says Marjorie R. Nelsen, author of A Child’s Book of Responsibilities. “Helping around the house makes kids feel independent, competent, and important within their family,” says Stowe. What’s more, being accustomed to doing chores at home can benefit your child academically. He’ll understand that sometimes he has to do things he doesn’t want to do-and that will extend to doing homework or studying for tests. “Research has found that kids who don’t try as hard as they could in school are more likely to have been raised in families where they didn’t have to do much at home,” says Stowe. “They believe that someone will always step in and do things for them.” If you approach chores with a spirit of fun rather than drudgery and don’t expect perfection, your child should be willing to participate.
The Kimberly family, of Beverly Hills, Michigan, devotes every Saturday morning to housework. The two older kids can do their chores on their own, but six-year-old Hannah prefers to clean the bathroom mirrors while her mother does the sinks. “She needs that motivation and partnership,” says her mother, Elizabeth. “But she can now make her bed and set the table by herself.”
If your child absolutely refuses to cooperate, administer consequences related to the chore. For example, if she doesn’t put her clothes in the hamper, tell her they won’t get washed until the next cycle. Try not to get frustrated, though, if your child often forgets to do his chores. “Until the age of eight or nine, most kids have to be reminded,” says Dr. Turben. She recommends posting a chart with pictures of what your child has to do on the refrigerator or his bedroom door. But even with a chart, children still forget-and it’s not necessarily a sign of defiance. It’s also not a reason to give up and decide to do a chore yourself, even though it might be easier. Be patient: Eventually, your child will grow to be more independent, and the time invested now will pay off later.
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![]() By Stephen Mansfield Her name was Elizabeth Anne Everest. Few today will remember her. In fact, few would have known of her even during her lifetime, which ended in near obscurity in 1895. She was, after all, only a nanny—one of thousands in Victorian England, who quietly spent their days caring for the children of other people. Strolling in a park with her baby’s carriage or braving the London streets with a little boy clinging tightly to her side, there would have been nothing to distinguish her to passersby; she was just another British nanny with another nobleman’s son in her charge. Or so it would seem. But Elizabeth Anne Everest was not just another nanny. She was a Christian, and for her being a nanny was not just a job, it was a ministry. She worked hard to build godliness and biblical truth into the young lives in her care. Thus it was that she came to have an impact on the course of modern history. For on a blustery English day in February of 1875, Elizabeth Everest came to be the nanny, and soon the primary spiritual influence, of one rosy-cheeked baby boy by the name of Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill, future Prime Minister of England and major leader of the western world. There was little hint in his early years, however, of the greatness that young Winston would one day command, and Mrs. Everest soon understood the immensity of her task. In time, the boy’s mother would warn visitors, in the style of typical British understatement, that he was a difficult child to manage. She was right. He kicked, he screamed, he hit, and he bullied. The word monster was often used of him, and the trouble was that he was bright, too. Knowing of Mrs. Everest’s Christian faith, young Winston once tried to escape a mathematics lesson by threatening to "bow down and worship graven images." It worked, too for a while. But Elizabeth Everest was an exceptional woman. She knew how to enforce the boundaries she set, and from the beginning Winston held a grudging respect for this woman who seemed to know the secret that his irritating behavior only served to hide a desperate longing of his heart. This was the truth she tenderly guarded, for she knew that her Lord had not entrusted young Winston to her solely for the discipline she would enforce, but more for the vacuum she would fill in the life of this lonely little boy. Few knew how painful his loneliness really was. It would be nice indeed to report that the Churchills shared a warmly intimate home life and that Winston was smothered with parental affection, but nothing could be further from the truth. Quite to the neglect of their son, Randolph and Jennie Churchill gave themselves completely to their social ambitions. True, Victorian parents in general maintained an astonishing distance from their children, receiving them only at prearranged times and under the watchful eye of servants, but the Churchills were remote even by these standards. Of his mother, Winston later wrote, "I loved her, but at a distance." His father thought Winston was retarded, rarely talked to him, and regularly vented his mounting rage on the child. More than one historian has concluded that Lord Randolph simply loathed his son. Thus it was that Elizabeth Everest (Winston came to call her Woom) became not only his nanny but his dearest companion, sharing with understanding and tender loyalty the secrets of his widening world. Of their special relationship, Violet Asquith later wrote that in Winston’s solitary childhood and unhappy school days Mrs. Everest was his comforter, his strength and stay, his one source of unfailing human understanding. She was the fireside at which he dried his tears and warmed his heart. She was the nightlight by his bed. She was security. She was also his shepherd, for it was here, in the safety of their shared devotion, that Winston first experienced genuine Christianity. On bended knee beside this gentle woman of God he first learned that surging of the heart called prayer. From her lips he first heard the Scriptures read with loving devotion, and was so moved he eagerly memorized his favorite passages. On long walks together they sang the great hymns of the church, spoke breathlessly of the heroes of the faith, and imagined aloud what Jesus might look like or how Heaven would be. As they sat together on a park bench or on a blanket of cool, green grass, Winston was often transfixed while Woom explained the world to him in simple but distinctly Christian terms. And it is not hard to imagine that when their day was done, many an evening found this devoted intercessor praying over her sleeping charge, asking her Heavenly Father to fulfill the calling she sensed so powerfully on his life. It would seem her prayers were answered, for though in early adulthood Churchill immersed himself in the anti-Christian rationalism that swept his age, he eventually recovered his faith during an escape from a prisoner of war camp during South Africa’s Boer War. So deeply had he received the imprint of Mrs. Everest’s dynamic faith that in this time of crisis the prayers he had learned at her knee returned almost involuntarily to his lips, as did the Scripture passages he had memorized to the familiar lilt of her voice. From that time forward, his faith defined him, as it did his sense of mission. He came to see himself in much the same terms as those he once used to dedicate his grandson. Holding the child aloft he tearfully proclaimed him, "Christ’s new faithful soldier and servant." While other leaders of his age vacillated and sought the compromises of cowards, Churchill defined the challenges of his civilization in the stark Christian terms that moved men to greatness. Yet behind the arsenal of his words, behind the artillery of his vision, was the simple teaching of a devoted nanny who served her God by investing in the destiny of a troubled boy. So it was that when the man some called the Greatest Man of the Age lay dying in 1965 at the age of ninety, there was but one picture that stood at his bedside. It was the picture of his beloved nanny, gone to be with her Lord some seventy years before. She had understood him, she had prayed him to his best, and she had fueled the faith that fed the destiny of nations in the hiddenness of her calling. Slideshow dedicated to Fathers. Happy Father's Day! Jennifer Wolf Unfortunately, between working as many hours as you do, and all the other responsibilities that fill your days and nights, you may feel like you’re not really connecting with your kids. While this certainly feels discouraging, “fixing” the problem doesn’t have to take up hours of your already-limited free time. Here are some practical tips to connect with kids of all ages in just 15 minutes per day: Play together. Reconnect with your kids simply by playing with them. If your kids are fairly young, get down on the floor together and work a puzzle or play a board game. If you have older kids, play their favorite board game or video game together. This is a great way to supervise the content of their video games while also spending time together and giving yourselves a healthy dose of togetherness. Listen to music together. This is another great way for moms and dads to connect with kids of all ages. If you have toddlers or preschool children, dance around the living room together to their favorite songs. If you have older children or teens, take some time to find out what music they’re into and why they enjoy it. Since we’re often drawn to music that speaks to our own emotions and circumstances, sharing music with your kids is a great way to learn more about where they’re at and what they’re really going through. Create your own spa at home. Bath time is a regular, built-in opportunity for parents and kids to share some laughter and fun! As your children get older, though, they’ll be able to shower on their own and won’t need as much supervision in the bathroom. But that doesn’t mean this unique opportunity to reconnect will just disappear! If you have tweens or teenagers, take the time to do your nails together or have your own “spa day” at home. This can be a wonderful tool in opening up the doors of communication with your kids. Cook and eat together. Dinner time offers another important way for parents to connect with their kids. Even during the busiest seasons, see if you can’t find at least three nights a week to include your children in the effort to make dinner, from start to finish, and eat it together around the kitchen table. During this time, turn off the TV and any other distractions, so that you can really sit down and talk while you eat. You’d be amazed at what a difference this one little habit will make. Bedtime. The bedtime routine is another great way to regularly connect with your kids. More than just a “bedtime story,” your routine can include prayer time (which is a great way to find out what’s going on in your child’s world), sharing the day’s “highs” and “lows,” and the opportunity to ask questions or simply cuddle with one another. Keep in mind, too, that the bedtime routine doesn’t disappear once your kids are old enough to tuck themselves in. Look for ways to adjust your routine, and yet still connect, as your kids get older. These strategies are just a few ways to connect with kids in and through the busyness of life. Be creative and look for ways to acknowledge your kids and reconnect with them in some small way each and every day. Article courtesy of http://singleparents.about.com/od/communication/tp/connect_with_kids.htm
The surgeon sat beside the boy’s bed; the boy’s parents sat across from him.
Tomorrow morning, the surgeon began, I’ll open up your heart. … You’ll find Jesus there, the boy interrupted. The surgeon looked up, annoyed. I’ll open up your heart as we begin the operation, he continued, to see how much damage has been done… But when you open up my heart, you’ll find Jesus in there. The surgeon looked to the boy’s parents, who sat quietly. When I see how much damage has been done, I’ll close your heart and chest back up, and I’ll plan what to do next. But you’ll find Jesus in my heart. The Bible says He lives there. The hymns all say He lives there. You’ll find Him in my heart. The surgeon had had enough. I’ll tell you what I’ll find in your heart. I’ll find damaged muscle, low blood supply, and weakened vessels. And I’ll find out if I can make you well. You’ll find Jesus there too. He lives there. The surgeon left. After the surgery, the surgeon sat in his office, recording his notes. Damaged aorta, damaged pulmonary vein, widespread muscle degeneration. No hope for transplant. No hope for cure. Therapy: painkillers and bed rest. Prognosis … Here he paused, … death within one year. He stopped the recorder, but there was more to be said. Why? he asked aloud. Why, God, did You do this? You’ve put this boy here. You’ve put him in this pain, and You’ve cursed him to an early death. Why? The Lord answered and said, The boy, My lamb, was not meant for your flock for long, for he is a part of My flock, and will forever be. Here, in My flock, he will feel no pain, and he will be comforted as you cannot imagine. His parents will one day join him here, and they will know peace, and My flock will continue to grow. The surgeon’s tears were hot, but his anger was hotter. You created that boy, and You created that heart. He’ll be dead in months. Why? The Lord answered, The boy, My lamb, shall return to My flock, for he has done his duty: I did not put My lamb with your flock to lose him, but to retrieve another lost lamb. The surgeon wept. Later, the surgeon sat beside the boy’s bed; the boy’s parents sat across from him. The boy awoke and whispered, Did you cut open my heart? Yes, said the surgeon. What did you find? asked the boy. I found Jesus there, said the surgeon. - Author Unknown Judy Lyden Great Expectations. It’s a novel. It’s a story of human life that comes at you on many levels. It’s the story of love and appreciation, of work and of rising out of nothing into something. It has its nightmares and its problems, but it has its surprises, as well. Can we expect great things from our children or from one another? Does our culture allow us to demand great things anymore? Do we have a right to make a child behave or do his homework well or his chores regularly? I remember a very special group of nuns who loved the children in their care. When your ink blotted on your math paper, the expectation was to begin again. There was never a raised voice or a scolded child. It was simply expected, and everyone knew. You didn’t crumple your paper, because that was unladylike. You slipped your paper quietly into the trash can, and you began again silently. Ridiculous, you might think, but it taught us that everything we did mattered. If you carry that thought with you into adulthood, at the very least, the most insignificant things you do will be done well because they matter, from peeling an apple to the real matters of achievement, that of rearing a child. From what teachers see today, we expect virtually nothing, and then we whine when we get it. Children have a license to do nearly anything anytime without regard to anyone else, and we call this civilization. It isn’t. I always laugh when a parent tells me, “I couldn’t get him to do it.” “Really? What are your expectations?” Then they look at you as if a light bulb has gone off. Parents often forget who is in charge. Rarely do ineffective parents have expectations. The children of fruitless, hopeless sloth are not free. In fact, they are prisoners of horrible behavior, which is more emotionally confining than simple, kindly, agreeable behavior. When parents are not in charge and have no expectations, children suffer. In a classroom, the expectations move from parents to teachers. Teachers are supposed to back up parents and fill in for parents who are lax. They are supposed to be tough, caring, intelligent and filled with expectations for the kids in the room. I salute all of my children’s grade-school teachers because of their strong and decent influence. It starts at birth in the home when parents expect a good schedule for infants and toddlers. By 3 and the preschool years, a child’s behavior should be under control. He should have learned the hard lesson: how to listen. By 5, a child should be able to conduct himself like a gentleman and turn his listening skills into learning. Discipline today counts now as much as it did in the times of Great Expectations. Then as now, it should be a normal daily matter of attention to detail, and a conversion of manners, which means a gentle turning toward the best we can be from the inside out. Expect great things from a child, demand the world, and he will give it to you. Expect nothing and that will be yours also, and his. Taken from “Expect Great Things From a Child—He’ll Give it to You,” Scripps Howard News Service Dressing my three preschool sons alike seemed sensible at the time. It made clothes shopping easier, for one, and because they were brothers with similar builds and complexions, they looked good in the same clothes. At home it gave a sense of order, however superficial, to a household with three little boys in perpetual motion, and in public it showcased what I was sure was the most adorable set of kids ever. On a deeper level, it appealed to my sense of equity. I didn’t love one above the others, and had determined to never say or do anything that might cause them to think otherwise; I would treat them impartially in all things, big and small. But as soon as they got old enough to make more of their own choices, coordinated clothes were out. As their individual needs changed and became more diverse, I found I continually needed to adapt and change how I gave each one my love and support. I still didn’t love one more or less than the others, but I couldn’t always treat them the same. Now that those boys are grown men, in many respects they could hardly be more different from one another. My early attempts to establish uniformity now seem pure folly, and I thank God for giving each of them the sense to pursue his own interests, develop his own skills, and become his own person. Each probably has some things that he would like to change about himself—there’s always room for improvement—but I love them dearly just as they are. - Keith Phillips ***** Children remember things very clearly and are directly affected by their parents’ attitude and how their parents feel and think about them. So if you’re constantly speaking faith and positive things about your child, either to him or to others, and if you’re thinking positive things about your child, this will have a good, faith-building, positive effect on your child, and he’ll become more like what you think of him and expect from him. But if you are thinking or speaking negatively about your child, either directly or indirectly to him, it will have the effect of making him think negatively about himself and hinder his happiness and self-esteem, his performance, and the way he sees himself. Faith begets more faith; positive attitudes foster more positive attitudes in both yourself and those around you. It takes faith in someone to bring out the best in them. Your child is different from any other child in the world, just as you’re different from any other person in the world. You’re a unique parent, a unique person, and your child is unique. If your child doesn’t have a certain gift that you wish he had, it does not mean that he is inferior, or that he lacks quality or is missing something in his makeup or his mental functions or his ability to have a beautiful life and to be a beautiful person—and most important of all, to make a big difference and touch the life of others. It doesn’t mean that you’re failing as a parent and somehow not helping your child become whatever you think he should be. You’re not failing and your child is not failing. All children have some areas in which they shine. Courtesy of Activated Magazine and Anchor (www.anchor.tfionline.com). Used with permission.
Children are little people.—And if we’d just stop thinking about them as “children” and think about them as people, we’d get a lot further in understanding them and their problems! So why don’t we just start thinking about them as we do about ourselves? People are complex. Children are people too and their problems are also complex. Their feelings are much the same as adults’, and the experiences they go through are very similar to things we go through, only harder for them to understand.—Children are much more vulnerable than adults, and many things they have to go through which though small to us, may seem monumental or even traumatic to them at the time because they don’t have the experience to understand them, and they haven’t been assured like we have that everything will work out in the end! So you have to treat them even more carefully, tenderly and with more consideration than adults. Try to put yourself in the child’s place. Put yourself in as close a situation as you can think of to your child’s situation and think about how you would feel—then you can get a better understanding of him and his problem. Text © The Family International. Photo courtesy of publicdomainpictures.net By Dorcas God has given me 12 beautiful children—eight girls and four boys. When they were younger, I was so busy with their care; I barely had time to catch my breath. But now with all my children almost grown (the youngest is 14), I rely so much on their support and help. I spent one morning reflecting on this and feeling such gratitude for my children, and then I received a call from my third eldest. I began to relay my thankful thoughts to her when she said, “Mom, you need to tell your children these things. It would make them so happy to hear how much they mean to you.” I had just been thinking the same, and I agreed. My 12 children have—over the last 34 years—grown up in an instant. That is contradictory but true. And I am now realizing again and again what treasures my children are to me. All I can say is Thank You. Thank You. Thank You. I am thankful for my children, who have taught me so many of life’s important lessons. I am thankful for the children I still have with me. I am thankful for my children who have spread their wings and are no longer under my roof. I am thankful for the times they remember to call. I am thankful for how they still call me when something is troubling them. I am thankful for my grown children who came to visit me when I was hospitalized. I am thankful for how my children cried when I fell sick. I am thankful for the times when my children have made me laugh when I’ve needed encouragement. I am thankful for how not a birthday passes without one of my daughters baking a cake and serving a lovely birthday meal. I am thankful for how my children call me when my birthday nears, asking what they should get me as a present. I am thankful for the family photo album books that my eldest daughter prints and sends me at the end of every year. I am thankful for how my children cause me to appreciate a variety of personality traits and characteristics. I am thankful for the grandchildren who call me grandmother, and for my children who take care of my grandchildren so well. I am thankful for how my children listen when I am going through a trying time. I want to say to each of my children, “You are needed. I am thankful for you. You are wonderful.” I think there is nothing more fortunate than to feel that you are needed. But unless someone puts this into words, you might never know the place you fill in another’s life. So I decided to take a few moments to express my thankfulness for my children. And as I was doing so, my thoughts gradually turned to Jesus—the one most deserving of thanks. I wondered if I thank Him enough. My praises may not have been as abundant of late, and I wondered if that saddened Him. Of everything in my life, I am most thankful for Him. Because of Him I am able to love others. Because of the love He has given me, I desire to love others in the same way. I have heard it said that praise brings down God’s power, and I believe this to be true. And when one is tired, it is even more important to praise. The fact is, as I sat down to write this, I was feeling rather tired. But after I began to praise, I was strengthened. I started off writing about thankfulness, so naturally I can only end in praise. Article © The Family International. Image courtesy of photostock at FreeDigitalPhotos.net Parents Magazine
Though kids don’t mean to mess up our schedules, dawdling is their way of feeling in control and getting us to focus on them. What’s the solution? If you can give a little to meet your child’s needs, you’ll gain a lot towards meeting yours-and it won’t even take that much time. Here are ten five-minute strategies that will make a difference between misery and motivation. 1. Be understanding: Acknowledge that what your child is doing is important to her. Tell her, “I wish we had more time to play with your dolls. It looks like fun. But right now, your friends are waiting for you at school.” 2. Remove obstacles: Sometimes kids dawdle because they feel overwhelmed. If it takes your child forever to choose a bedtime story, clear the bookcase of titles she never asks for. That way, she can focus on a few favorites. Disorganization is another roadblock. If your seven-year-old is always running late because she can’t find her homework or her sneakers, help her pack her bag the night before and put it by the door. 3. Give a warning: Children cannot stop what they’re doing on a dime. Being able to anticipate an event helps them switch gears. A gentle reminder that your child has five more minutes before having to put his blocks away won’t elicit an “Oh goody,” but it’s far less upsetting than being told he has to drop everything right now. If a reminder doesn’t work, let an egg timer do the dirty work for you. Tell your child that you’re setting the timer for five minutes. When the bell goes off, it’s time to wrap up the activity. If your child protests, remain firm: “I know you’d like to color longer, but the bell rang. Time’s up.” 4. Play beat the clock: For younger children, use the timer to race against time. Tell your toddler or preschooler: “I bet you can’t wash your face, get into your PJs and get under the covers before the timer goes off!” Chances are, he’ll try to get everything done in no time flat. 5. Turn it into a game. Connecting with your child’s playful side is likely to be more successful than issuing ultimatums. One mother I know plays department store in the morning to avoid a half-hour delay while her four-year-old mulls over what to wear. She pretends to be a saleslady, helping her daughter pick out that day’s outfit and admiring how she looks in it. One mother joked that her son was “surgically attached” to his train set. Getting him to leave it inevitably turned into a power struggle, until she hit upon a lighthearted approach. “When we have to go out, I say, ‘Joe, tell your trains you’ll be right back.’ It works really well. He waves goodbye and reassures his trains that he’ll play again soon.” 6. Offer options: Let’s say your two-year-old doesn’t want to stop watching a video, even though the family needs to go out. Tell him that there are two ways to get to the car: hopping on one foot or being carried by you. When you involve him, you have a better chance of transforming your slowpoke into Sir Speedy. 7. Be positive. Instead of making threats about what will happen if your child doesn’t get moving, focus on the good stuff that will happen when she kicks into gear. You could say, “Once we get into the car, we’ll play your favorite tape,” or “As soon as you get into your pajamas, I’ll read you a story.” 8. Get them involved. Kids love to feel needed and capable, which can work to your advantage. To get a poky preschooler out the door, ask her to help you load the car. If your child resists taking a bath, ask for her help in choosing water toys. Once she’s invested in the activity, she’ll be more willing to climb in the tub. 9. Turn the tables. Let your child be the one to get you going. Instead of trying to roust your five-year-old son out of bed every morning, one mother bought him his own alarm clock and instructed him to wake her up when it went off. As soon as her son felt as if he was in charge, he stopped dragging his feet. Another way to put your child in charge is to have her check the weather each morning and tell you whether it’s a “sweater day” or a “coat day”—then she’s more likely to get dressed without a fuss. 10. Go with the flow. Once in a while, put your agenda on hold. Instead of hurrying your child home from the park, let her swing until she says it’s time to go. If you occasionally let your child set the pace, she’s more likely to cooperate when your plans don’t mesh with hers. There’s another advantage to letting your child’s inner clock rule. When you take the time to count flower petals or follow a ladybug, you see the world through your child’s eyes—and you may discover that it’s a pretty nice view. |
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